


The Second Meeting

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:54:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Second Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Stopping at Hogwart's front gates, Sirius took a long searching look, sniffing at the air. He sensed no danger near so proceeded down the road, heading into the roadside shrubbery the few times people passed by. They most likely wouldn't see him in the darkness -- or if they would, might not care about a dog -- but he wasn't going to take chances, now that the Ministry was aware of his secret. Now that too much counted on everyone staying safe.

Voldemort had risen again. He'd taken Harry and used him, had him bled for his vile potion. Once more, Sirius felt fury and nausea rise at the monster's actions. And Pettigrew. That rat -- and never was a man better fitted to be one -- **he** had helped his Master in the deed.

Sirius growled as he burst into a faster run. Pettigrew, the traitor. He should have killed him when he'd had the opportunity at the Shrieking Shack. He'd rather have his death on his hands, rather go back to Azkaban itself than have Harry hurt again. Though it would mean being surrounded by them.

The mere thought of the dementors caused his growling to fade away. Sirius feared them more than anything. He'd barely been able to escape the first time and he'd been innocent then. Surely he would die if he were imprisoned again, and guilty.

It would be better if they punished Pettigrew, destroyed Voldemort, trapped his old followers. But that was fantasy at the moment. They could try their best to accomplish it, but success was another matter. Success would be...him able to live freely again, without having to hide and starve. To be able to give Harry the home he hadn't had with his Muggle relations. To be with Remus again.

Sweet Remus. How had he ever thought him a traitor? Sirius would forever feel the guilt over his error -- and its effects. If only, if only, if only. 

It solved nothing. 

Remus would be the last person he'd go to, since Dumbledore has requested he stay with him. He was sure the headmaster would sneak Remus a quick message to be on guard and watch for his arrival. He'd kept a regular, if distant, correspondence with his old friend until Harry's troubles had begun and then Sirius could send owls only sporatically thereafter. He hadn't even seen Remus since that night he'd escaped the dementors, when Remus had been in his alter-form and in the forest while he'd fled the school.

Hour after hour passed by, but Sirius managed his pace until weariness caused him to slow down to a walk. At the next town, he searched for a spot to hide and rest. Soon he would continue the journey again, but for now the only thing he was aware of was his heart beating and his harsh panting. 

Some crates sitting by an old cobwebby barn promised shelter. He squeezed his large frame inside one of them, the loose boards creaking in resistance. He was hungry but he'd scrounge for food later; now he was too tired. Curling up, Sirius covered his nose with his tail. It was cold tonight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

He ached everywhere. So much travel so fast had exhausted him, whatever form Sirius took. The chronic pains didn't hurt enough to stop, but it made him aware of how far he'd gone the past few weeks.

A hard wallop from an energetic woman's broom hadn't helped his situation. "Grim!" she had shouted and aimed for his head. (If the real Grim ever did appear to her, Sirius doubted it would have a chance.) His headache has pulsed terribly for almost a whole day forcing Sirius to hide until he'd gotten over the worst of it. 

Now, he was almost at Remus' house. He'd never actually seen it, but Remus had told him the nearest village's location, and in this form, he was sure he could find his old friend, once he was near enough.

Sirius had also kept a close eye on the moon, which had reached its fullness several nights ago. Remus should be feeling better now.

Nose busily working, the late afternoon had started to fade when the huge black dog suddenly froze. Sniffing more carefully, joy raced through him; Remus was near. Stepping off the dirt trail he'd been walking, Sirius cut through the brush to get a more direct bearing on the welcome scent.

The house when he saw it was quiet and appeared uninhabited. Cautiously he approached -- and froze again. There he was, lounging on a shady bench, gazing up at the sky, book forgotten. 

He was beautiful.

Not wanting to startle him, Sirius allowed the leaves to crackle under his paws as he walked up. 

He nuzzled a cold nose on Remus' hand. It twitched in response before caressing his forehead and rubbing near his ears. "I've been waiting for you." Remus said, smiling. He sat up and hugged him tightly. 

Sirius burrowed himself deeper in the embrace, enjoying the warm feel of arms around him. He wagged his tail when Remus moved back, looking ruefully down at his robes. "I've missed you, Paddy, but you **really** need a bath. And now so do I."

The tail stopped its friendly motion; a growl gathered as he stared up. 

"Insulted you, have I?" Remus asked innocently. He bent to whisper next to a long, black ear. "So...our sharing a bath doesn't appeal?" 

Sirius felt his heart speed up. It was amazing how quickly risqué that gentle voice could become. He turned and raced toward the house, barking loud encouragement to his laughing companion. As soon as Remus opened the door, he pushed his way in, tail once more waving happily.

"You could let me go first!" Remus teased as he shut and locked the door behind him. 

Sirius watched him with eager eyes, though his legs had suddenly become shaky. He changed to human form when the windows were covered. Almost immediately, his legs failed him and Remus had to hurry to help him to a chair. "So tired," Sirius said, but he smiled wearily. "Although you do know how to invigorate a person."

"However briefly," Remus added, as he studied him. "Here, let me get you something to eat." He went to rummage the kitchen. "You know, I think you've finally managed to look more spent than me," he called out in mild humour.

A small chuckle. "Oh, that can't be good." Remus said nothing after that, but Sirius was happy listening to him moving about the kitchen. His eyes drifted shut, and he could feel his mind wanting to wander. 

Soon delicious aromas started wafting his way, making his mouth water. He was so hungry. 

'We should go see them later,' Sirius thought contentedly. 'I need to tell J --' 

He caught himself.

He would never see James or Lily again. Hadn't seen them in a long time already. Many years ago, his youth ago, but it still hurt. How long would this pain last? And would it always so sharp, like a knife in his chest? 

How could they be dead?

Opening his eyes, Sirius stared as Remus stood patiently by the stove, hands folded on the counter, watching the steam rise. Just as he'd always done. 

Sirius swallowed. He was so tired. Not only in body, but inside, too. He was so sick of all this, and it had scarcely begun -- again. Harry's blood... If only he'd killed that traitor.

He was slumped over the table in thought when Remus him brought his plate. With a nod of thanks, Sirius ate quietly, chewing slowly. 

"Do you know what happened? Has Dumbledore told you?" he asked suddenly.

His old friend nodded. "The main parts." 

Good, because he didn't want to go into that right now. Sirius reverted to silence.

He'd eaten most of his dinner before the exhaustion threatened again. Half-dragged, half-carried to the bed, Sirius blinked sleepily at Remus as he was tucked underneath the blankets.

"Sorry, Moony," he mumbled. "So tired."

"It's alright," Remus soothed. He'd hardly finished speaking when Sirius went under. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

When Sirius woke up, night had fallen, although he didn't how late it was. He didn't have to look round for Remus, who had joined him while he slept. He touched his shoulder gently. It was bare and Sirius discovered the same was true for the rest of him when he moved his hand beneath the blankets. The action caused Remus to stir and settle closer, his warmth radiating through Sirius' clothes. 

"Toasty warm," Sirius whispered.

It had been a long time since he'd held anybody like this. Even a simple touch from another person had become rare for him. Remus had been his one and only lover. And Sirius had loved sleeping next to him, indeed, found it difficult to fall asleep without him being there. But then everything had been taken away. Trust had shrivelled and disappeared.

He sighed and began to stroke Remus' hair. It was soft and smelled good. Turning his head, Sirius gently buried his nose in it. Much of the brown color was flecked with grey, he remembered. Caused by the werewolf curse or by a hard life? 

Remus had been reluctant to go into details regarding the past decade, but Sirius could imagine how bad it must have been for him. Unlike himself, trapped in the same cell, Remus had been forced to move every several weeks as soon as people suspected what he was. Based on his own knowledge of constant travel, Sirius knew how it could drain a person, and Remus barely had enough energy when he was well.

It wasn't fair. Why did they have to suffer like this? 

Sirius felt the anger grow inside him, though he tried not to let it affect his petting. But his temper must have gone past his admittedly lacking controls, for Remus woke up with a small jump.

A hand crept up to touch his face. "Oh, good, you didn't leave." Sirius grunted when a painful elbow pressed into his stomach; Remus raising himself to kiss him lightly on the tip of his nose. "Feeling better?"

Just the sound of his voice could make anyone feel better. Sirius smiled in the dark, giving Remus a playful squeeze. "Somewhat." Actually he felt the best he had in a long time. Not hungry, in a real bed, with a warm companion. Now he just needed... "Moony, didn't you say something about a bath?" He heard Remus chuckle.

"Yes, I did." His satisfaction was evident. The bedside candle lit. Urging him to sit up, Remus pulled off his clothes, running his fingers lightly over his skin. "Still ticklish?" he inquired with an innocent air.

"Course I'm no--. Remus!" Sirius yelped as he twitched away from the torture. He retaliated furiously until they were alternating between hysterical laughter and determined counter-attacks.

It had been such a long time since he'd heard Remus laugh. Sirius was thoughtful as they parted and lolled on the bed, catching their breath. The bedclothes were rumpled from their mock-battle. "When was the last time you did this?"

Remus raised an eyebrow mischievously. "This?"

"Laughed so much you could hardly breathe?"

Remus sobered. "Oh. I don't know." He leaned on his elbow and looked into his eyes. "Too long."

At the long-absent, long-wished-for gaze, Sirius felt his heart melt, finding himself unable to speak as Remus moved his head closer and gave him a hesitant kiss. 

It had been so long since they'd done this, it felt like the first time again. Their first kiss --their first **real** kiss -- Sirius remembered, had been long and sweet and dizzying, with the gentle brush of Remus' lashes against his cheek. 

And he'd promised Remus he'd never have another...

Remus threw his arms around him, coming closer to sit astride him. "I love you. I've always loved you," he whispered with something like a sob.

Feeling somewhat awkward, Sirius returned the embrace. He shut his eyes when Remus began undulating against him in a slow, regular rhythm. Licking his lips, Sirius reached out to fondle him. Remus let out a soft whimper, quickening his pace in Sirius' hand. 

"Yes," he said hoarsely, "Missed you so." Remus dropped more kisses on his neck and face. "Please, I'm going to --" He sent his own hand downward to reciprocate Sirius' action. "Sirius?" Eyes half-shut in pleasure opened; Remus' glance travelling from the slack organ to his face. 

Sirius was forced to look away. He felt so awful. 

Remus drew back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean --" 

Sirius cursed himself for doing this to him, saying nothing as the other scrambled off the bed. "I'll...I'd better ready that bath for you." Faster than Sirius could react, Remus had vanished.

He hit the bed with his fist. "Damn it!" He glared down at himself. There was nothing, no reaction where once the mere scent of Remus in their bed would have him instantly aroused. What **else** would he do wrong? 

Gathering himself, Sirius went after Remus. He found him staring at the water as the tub filled. Somewhere he had snagged a robe for himself, but he was trembling yet. 

"Remus, I'm sorry --"

He bent to shut the faucet. "I shouldn't have assumed." He didn't look at him.

"It wasn't your fault, Moony." Carefully moving so that he wouldn't scare him away, Sirius put his arms around his erstwhile lover. "You're very beautiful to me. You always have been." He planted a tiny kiss on Remus' ear. "I've never wanted to be with anyone the way I want to be with you."

He turned his head, studying him. "I shouldn't have pushed you. In that way, I was being selfish."

"Believe me," Sirius replied, "if I had any choice in the matter, you would have been sated to your heart's desire. But it's been so long for me. The last time was..." 

He couldn't say it. The memory of their last time together saddened him. Suspecting Remus of being Voldemort's spy and not daring to speak. The constant watching.

He wondered if Remus was thinking the same thing for he sighed, leaning against him. 

"Everything is cold there," he said abruptly. "I felt them all the time and they turned everything... Everything good, every joy became twisted into something horrible." He paused and gave up. "No matter what I tell you, I couldn't show you what it was like." 

Would he even want to?

For a long time, Remus didn't say a word, then he faced Sirius, who by now was shivering in the cold tiled room. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Sirius held his hand, kissing it lightly. "I'm sorry, too. I should never have doubted you." Again, his heart clenched at the error he had made so long ago, which had had such far-flung effects. "I've always loved you, Remus, always. Even when I thought it was you who had betrayed us, I couldn't stop." He bowed his head. "If it had only been me in danger...I think I would have let you kill me rather than hurt you."

Remus remained silent, then after a moment indicated the prepared bath. "You should get in before you get colder." He made as if to leave, but Sirius stopped him with a motion. 

"Please stay, Remus. I don't much like being alone."

He hesitated. "Alright." But he stood by the window, looking out into the dark. 

While Sirius lathered and rinsed his hair, scrubbed away the dust and dirt from his body, he watched Remus. All that time, neither said a word. He'd refilled the bath with clean water when Remus at last turned to him. 

"May I join you?" His soft voice was hardly audible.

Lying in the warm water, Sirius stared up at his calm features. There was a time when he would not have needed to ask.

"I won't do anything," Remus added, "I just want to be near you."

Moving so that he wouldn't splash, Sirius reached out to him. Nearing the bath, Remus dropped his robe and stepped in. Spreading his legs so that he could sit between them, Sirius was pleased to feel a momentary flash of excitement go through him, but kept quiet, tenderly holding the other man in his arms. He gazed down at the lovely pale skin, noting that his Remus was thinner than ever. Of course, his own appearance had changed over the past decade; he was not as handsome as he had been.

'We must be quite a sight,' Sirius thought with a pang, remembering their youth. 

Remus cleared his throat. "I guess we should talk." He glanced at him, but didn't say anything. 

Sirius swallowed hard. "I really messed things up, didn't I?"

His friend shook his head firmly. "No, Sirius. You can't take all the blame. A lot of us did things we shouldn't have done. Or stood by and did nothing." 

"But if I'd trusted you, maybe we could have stopped --. Maybe we could have saved them. **I'm** the one who brought us here."

Remus stared down at his fingers wiggling in the water. Sirius smiled at the sight, leaned in to kiss his ear again. He couldn't resist a gentle tug at the earlobe. 

A small shiver in response, a hint of a smile crossing Remus' face, vanishing quickly as he spoke. "Why did you suspect me, Sirius?"

He bit his lip. "I...found the message," he said after a moment. "From them."

Remus nodded to himself. "How did you find it?" he asked, looking at him. "I had it hidden on my desk."

He reddened. "I didn't mean to go through your things. I was looking for something else and that, well, it just stood out among your papers." 

Remus sighed. "I should have told you," he admitted. "But I just **hated** the notion that they would think...Probably because of what I am. I couldn't stand it -- and I destroyed the letter, can you believe it? So stupid of me!" He smacked the water, Sirius hastily closing his eyes to avoid the flying drops. 

"No, love, I understand...now." Sirius tried to nestle him closer, but Remus had begun moving restlessly, and it was difficult to keep him still.

"And I meant to tell you, but then you started acting so...." He faltered. "And I disgusted you; you froze everytime I came near you." It was obvious he was trying not to cry.

Sirius felt the guilt flood him. "'Don't **do** that!,'" he remembered snapping at Remus in one of their last conversations, when Remus had cried, thinking he'd taken another lover. How could he have acted so horribly? Why was anger always the easiest road for him? 

"Oh, Remus, I wish..." This time he was firmer in his intentions, grabbing and drawing Remus back against him. They were both close to tears. "Maybe we should cry," Sirius said then. "Who's going to tell in here?"

Remus turned and enfolded himself within his arms. 

Sirius couldn't tell who was holding on tighter.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Sirius was subdued when Remus led him back to bed, but also more comforted. A feeling of lightness inside him, a lessening of the guilt he had carried for so long. Remus was near and again there was understanding between them. He returned the smile Remus gave him as he arranged the covers over them, before laying down against his longer body. 

Slowly, they curled up together in the old familiar fashion and Sirius badly wanted to caress Remus' bewitching form, but didn't want to risk repeating what had happened earlier. 

But he could still look. So he did, taking in his face in the flickering candlelight...

Sirius' trance was broken when Remus smiled at him, a shy smile this time. "Yes, precious?" he asked.

"You haven't taken your eyes off me. Have I changed that much?"

He touched the curve of Remus' cheek. "Yes. And no." He ran his fingers across the cheekbones, the perfect, straight nose, the warm lips. "You're still as wonderful as ever."

"But what?" Remus asked, nuzzling into his touch.

"I feel I've known you forever, but I also feel like we're meeting for the first time."

"Aye," Remus sighed. Then he looked at him suddenly. "But I would be willing to try again."

The pause was so quiet, Sirius could hear his blood rushing in his ears.

Remus laid a hand along his face, wearing an anxious expression. "Do **you** want to try?" 

Sirius turned his head to press his lips against the pale hand and nodded. He never wanted to be apart from him. That was one of the few certainties in his life. To have his friend again would be a blessing. To have his lover again would be a greater joy. But -- "Moony?" he whispered.

Remus, his tension having been eased by his nod, kissed him lightly on the shoulder. "Yes?" He settled down against him again. "My love." 

Sirius held him closer, mindful of Remus' arousal swelling against his hip. "Remus," he said a bit fearfully, "I don't want to lose you, you know that, but I don't think I can --. I mean, I'm not ready --." He swallowed, ashamed at his body's continual lack of response.

Remus shook his head, smiling gently. "Don't worry, I can wait. I'm patient, you know." He tickled him lightly in the stomach before his hand hovered downward to caress soothingly.

Sirius let out his breath and relaxed as well. Drawing Remus close, he planted tender kisses on him. "I love you."

Remus wiggled against him happily, but instantly stopped. "I shouldn't do that," he said, indicating his half-hardened state. Smiling, he carefully settled down, arms going around Sirius and holding tight.

He returned his embrace with pleasure, but the exhaustion was catching up to him again. Sirius let himself drift off, feeling safe and content. 

He had practically fallen asleep when he was startled awake by a sudden image. Peter crawling on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, begging for his life. **You wouldn't...you won't...** His shrill voice echoed through his head.

"Paddy?" Remus' voice murmured beside him. He apparently hadn't been asleep for his eyes were still alert, though worried now. 

He looked at him, frowning slightly. "I was remembering Peter. When we saw him last."

The candlelight was beginning to dim as dawn approached, but he still saw Remus' mouth set. 

"We shouldn't have let Harry talk us out of it," Sirius continued. "We should have killed him then. It would have been better for all of us."

After a moment, Remus replied. "It **was** his right to decide."

"Yes. But I still disagree with it." Sirius shifted over to his side to look at his lover. "And I know you agree with **me**."

He kept his silence, but his gaze was steady on his own. 

Sirius brushed his lips with Remus'. Their bodies entangled once more until they were wound tight around each other. 

Remus finally spoke. "I think we should not dwell on that now. Perhaps there will be another way to redress matters."

"Nothing but death would satisfy me," Sirius said with quiet ferocity. His mind flittered back to that dark, cold cell in Azkaban. And its guardians.

Remus rested his cheek against his, then peered over his shoulder at the sunlight that slipped underneath the shutters. "We should blow out the light. I don't think we need it now."


End file.
